Categories - Dating Tips
It’s often difficult to tell people about yourself if you’re not in an actual conversation with them. Although one in five relationships today begins online via a dating website, it’s still a little bit tricky to sum your life up in words and through texting. How can you ever know if you find the right person?
Your dating profile is going to tell the tale, more than likely, so you need to make sure you take your time to create a winning profile. There are many ways to do it correctly and also many ways to do it poorly. In this article, we will take a look at a live profile and tell you exactly why it’s “bad.”
The idea, of course, is to learn how not to do it so that you can create a pleasant profile that will attract quality people to you. Any guy or girl with an attractive photo and a tag line of “single” can draw some attention, but you’ll never find your proverbial Mr. or Miss Right by shooting at fish in a barrel. Instead, you need to attract the right type of fish – the keepers in the world.
So, before we go any further, let’s look at the example of a bad online dating profile above.
Now, at first glance, this looks like a young woman who has taken the time to craft a profile. And she has. She has uploaded quite a few photos, which is always a good start. She has taken her time to fill out a lot of her options instead of just breezing through it without answering. These are steps in the right direction. However, she completely misses the goal when it comes to describing who she is as a person and what she wants out of a partner.
Of course, we could have used some Johnny or Jane-come-lately, whose efforts were totally absent in the process, uploading no photos and failing to fill out any information other than some “asdkfdalajdua” and “blah-blah” nonsense. But we thought this profile to be a better example. It’s actually almost a complete profile. It just completely misses the mark.
First and foremost, she makes absolutely no effort to divulge information about previous relationships. And while that is understandable, you will notice that it turns into a trend when she is prompted to tell people about her interests. “Lots of stuff” is not an engaged answer.
Why is it important to list your interests? Well, you need to attract likeminded singles if you’re serious about a relationship. A girl who likes to hike and bike might not hit it off well with a guy who likes to loaf around and watch sports. People need to know about you, who you are, and what you do and what you want out of a relationship.
When you get to the “About Me” section, she completely misses a golden opportunity to say anything meaningful. A song lyric from the Meat Puppets and an over-punctuated pirate squeal hardly constitutes as pertinent information.
Take a lesson from this profile. If you are actually going to take the time to create a profile and upload photos and fill out your answers, then make them deep and informative. You do not have to spill your soul out, but you still want people to know what type of person you are and what you expect to get out of your time on the dating site.
If you cannot do that, then perhaps you shouldn’t be using dating websites in the first place.
Looking around for love via a dating website can be a tricky thing. First and foremost, you really have no clue exactly what type of person is on the other end of the screen. Is it a nice, caring, gentle guy or gal, or is it someone like Ted Bundy!? Judging from a picture or a tag line alone, you can never be certain.
That’s why having a well-constructed profile will always help you land dates with honest people. It’s hard to explain your entire life or personality through a profile, but actually making the effort to do so will go a long way to letting other people know that you’re a trustworthy, serious person.
Think about which person you would trust more – the one with a blank profile or the one putting forth some effort to explain his or her intent? The profile with more information on it comes across as friendlier, more honest and more open to a real relationship.
Let’s take a look at some of what makes a dating profile a good profile. There is no one set formula to creating a good online dating profile, but there are steps you can follow to ensure your profile is the best it can be.
In the pictures above, you can see that this profile is thorough. The first thing you will notice is that there is not many “N/A” or “I’ll tell you later” options selected. This individual woman is seriously looking for a partner and is willing to take the time to lay out what she wants.
It may seem trivial, because these initial options are so easy to check, but taking that extra 30 seconds to be honest will really help a reader gauge what type of person you are. Your education, your marital status, your habits, whether or not you want children, etc – it is all painting a picture of who you are.
The “About Me” and “First Date” sections (they will be titled differently depending on which dating website you use) are really what sell this profile as being “good.” As you can see, Jennifer is not aloof or tip-toeing around what type of person she is. She doesn’t get into a novel’s worth of information about herself, but she does a great job of summing up what she wants out of her entire experience on a dating site. And that’s what people should emulate when creating a profile – tell people what you are after instead of leaving things up in the air.
In the “First Date” section, you can pick through what Jennifer writes and deduce that she is an honest online dater, serious about meeting a great guy she melds well with. She isn’t simply dishing out some ad hoc, stereotypical dating ideas. She lets it be known that her “ideal” date depends on the type of guy she meets.
From this entire profile (not all Jennyjack1’s photos are shown here; but a good profile also contains pictures), you can tell that Jennifer is a girl taking online dating seriously and has taken the time to construct a good profile.
Keep this structure in mind when filling out a dating profile. Be real, be honest, be open, and be serious about dating.
It’s tough sometimes to find the right things to say, especially if you barely know someone. Check out these great conversation starters.
The ability to communicate is something we’re all blessed with. Most of us can speak or wink or let our body language clue people in on what we’re feeling. Communication was an important part of our evolution. But just because we can do it does not mean we’re any good at it.
Some of us have a great deal of trouble attempting to spark up conversations with strangers. In a perfect world, things would work out rather easily. Guy sees girl. Guy says perfect funny thing. Girl smiles and laughs and accepts date proposal. Couple lives happily ever after.
In this world, however, things do not always work like that. Guy sees girl. Guy panics and stutters. Guy says something ridiculous, possibly even spraying spittle on girl’s shirt. Girl cringes in disgust. No one gets through the next five minutes happy, much less forever.
Making conversation is all about starting conversation. Once you get over that initial hurdle and actually break the ice, continuing to communicate is something that takes over naturally, like running after learning to walk.
We’ll go over some ice-breakers in this article that should help you to strike up a conversation with someone, no matter who they are.
Breaking the Ice in Conversation
1: Point out the Parity
Parity, not to be confused with parody, can be described in this context as something you have in common. If you want to break the ice, it always helps to seek out what you share in common with the person, making the proverbial “small talk.” This could be the same iPhone, the same lunch item ordered, the same type of clothing, or anything else you find has immediately similarity.
2: Genuine Intrigue
Sometimes a “cheesy” line is not that cheesy at all if you truly mean it. For example: if that girl across the room has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, she’ll know that you’re not just saying that. This type of ice-breaker is a little harder to deliver, as you may feel more embarrassed to shoot someone a compliment over something you find intriguing. But it does work.
3: Killing with Kindness
More often than not, the simplest ice-breakers are the best ice-breakers. You might read those self-help books and try those elaborate setups until you’re blue in the face and still won’t be able to spark up a genuine conversation with a stranger. But by simply smiling and saying hello, you’d be surprised at just how effective that really is. Being nervous can even be seen as an endearing quality here.
4: Current Events
Now, you want to stay away from anything political or religious these are hot-button issues that people are very passionate about. But something like a reality show or the royal wedding – you can sneak in there and break the ice by asking in a Seinfeld-like way “What is the deal with ____?” It’s funny, very nonthreatening, and most are receptive to it.
5: Census Worker
Unless you’re trying to speak with random people in the street, you’re probably in a building or at an event of some sorts. Asking people what they think of the place or the event is a great way to spark up a friendly conversation.
These five ice-breakers are great. Why only five? Well, each category gives you a limitless number of possibilities within. The most important thing isn’t what you use to break the ice but rather how you approach the topic.
You should always be warm and friendly, making sure to smile without looking like a creepy person. Keep your tone soft and keep things like flirting and touching far, far away from the conversation.
What you’re looking for here is something that’s called a “feeler bet” in poker. You want to put the ice-breaker out there to see if the other party is receptive. If so, you should keep the conversation moving along with more small-talk niceties and other general comments until you can ease into more of a conversation. Once the rapport settles in and you’re comfortable in the conversation, that’s when the real progress is made.
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