Archives for September 2011
We all deal with disaster in different ways. It depends on how we were brought up and how much heartache we can take before we’re ready to cash in our chips. Whether you’re a guy or girl, and whether you were involved in a relationship for a week or for five years – splitting up and realizing that it’s over can be a damaging thing.
Some people will shrivel up in a corner and allow one failed relationship to destroy their lives, at least for the foreseeable future. Others, however, refuse to be deterred from happiness and immediately dust themselves off and jump back into the dating pool.
It’s a lot easier said than done, of course. Not everyone can automatically open themselves up to the idea of more potential rejection. But if you are amongst the men and women out there deciding to date on the rebound, there are a few things you should know before you dive in.
Rebounding Rules for Daters
Trust Your Instincts
You have to do what you feel is right in any situation. If it doesn’t feel right – if it feels too soon or like too big of a risk, then avoid the situation until you can find the right level of comfort. But if it feels like the right thing to do, even if it’s only weeks removed from the break-up, you should follow your gut in the direction it’s taking you.
Shoot for a Different Type
The odds are great that your “type” of guy or girl is the same “type” that things didn’t work out with. And if you go back even further, you might find that things have never ended well with this particular “type,” so what good is it? Date outside of what you believe your type to be. If you haven’t found happiness yet, then it’s obvious that your type is wrong. You’re probably working on attraction and not on reaction, and that’s the wrong approach.
Believe in the Word
Even if you feel you’ve completely lost your faith in men or women, never lose faith in love as a tangible destination you will one day arrive at. You can kick and scream and give up on dating until you’re really ready to rebound, but don’t believe that love is a myth or that love is unobtainable. Believing in love will help you rebound in the right way and not simply grab the first single you see.
Search the Social Circles
Many men and women ultimately realize that their true happiness was a little closer than they suspected. Millions of people coming out of failed relationships realize that their friends make better partners, or at least that their friends’ friends are ½ of a happy relationship. It’s a funny thing, but the more we mature and face heartache, the more we realize that having a friend as a lover—as opposed to a lover as a friend—is a great recipe for dating success.
Avoid the Fling
Many of us just want to feel good when we rebound. We’ll look for superficial romance, a one-night stand, or a quick little week-long fling. And we’ll ultimately sully any opportunity for happiness before we find it. Never go into any type of relationship with your mind made up on what it’s going to be. Never try to get involved in a fling. Stay open to the idea that this may be the start of a lifelong love affair.
Rebounding can be very tricky. What starts out as a way for you to forget the hurt and to experience joy can end up doubly disastrous if you’re not careful. Use these simple rebounding rules to stay on track.
After so many novels and self-help books and Hollywood exaggerations of the average man’s quirks and hang-ups, many women have taken it upon themselves to put their foot down on a guy’s throat for the slightest little thing out there.
We all know that if a guy is mean or a cheater or a liar, these are definite deal-breakers. But because he wears a pair of socks you don’t like, Sally-Come-Lately says in her surprisingly-best-selling book that he’s not marriage material. On what planet does this make sense?
Look, ladies, there are many things about guys that you should care about, but there are also many things about him that do not matter and should not matter to you in the slightest. If you can let go of the things that don’t matter and focus on the ones that do, you’ll find that your relationship flows a lot more smoothly.
Top Ten Meaningless Things about a Guy
1: His Style of Dress
So, he wears pleated khakis, shirts that don’t button and suit jackets without cufflinks. So what? His style of dress is something that’s really meaningless in the context of a relationship. As most women find out, they can easily change the small stuff they don’t like, and he is not likely to put up much of a fight.
2: His “Dorky” Habits
Unless he’s suiting up every month to visit a Star Trek convention, his dorky habits shouldn’t matter to you at all. A lot of women see these habits as a sign that he’s not “the one,” but they could be missing out on a great guy.
3: His Fridge’s Contents
So he doesn’t eat as healthy as you do and doesn’t carry a fresh bag of microbiotic bean sprouts. Oh, no – the world’s gonna end! Seriously, get over it. It’s only food; there are more important things to worry about.
4: His Lack of New-Age Social Graces
If his Facebook account only has a dozen or so friends, a lot of women immediately think something must be wrong with him. But why? Not everyone’s in to this new-age social media. Maybe he’s old fashioned, and maybe that’s a good thing.
5: His Horoscope
If his sun doesn’t align with your moon, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed. Some women focus too much on the mystical stuff and not enough on what they feel for a man. This can lead to disaster and leave you alone.
6: His Kissing Prowess – or Lack Thereof
Actually, your man being a shoddy kisser may be a good thing. Women, for whatever reasons, seem to want men who can immediately sweep them off their feet with a kiss or knock their socks off in the sack. But how much experience does that type of man have? Odds are, the sock-knocker-offer isn’t a one-woman Joe.
7: His Viewing Equipment
One of the more trite things women today let matter to them is their man’s entertainment equipment. An old box-shaped TV and a desktop from 2001 do not matter at all.
8: His Taste in Music
This is yet another thing that shouldn’t matter. If he likes country music or the blues while you like rock, it isn’t the end of the world.
9: His Mani/Pedi Habits
This is something a lot of women focus on, believe it or not. Some girls will pitch fits to no end if their men don’t regularly receive a manicure or pedicure. Well, this is totally meaningless. Don’t focus so much on the small stuff – like an uberlong thumbnail!
10: His Own Book
Guys might not walk in lockstep with the advice articles and dating columns and how-to-meet-Mr.-Right books you’ve been reading. This doesn’t mean he isn’t a good guy. Above all, you have to go with your instincts and what you know about him. Just because Author X says he should do this and shouldn’t do that, that doesn’t mean she’s in tune with every guy on the planet.
Some things about a man do matter, but these ten things on this list are meaningless to a relationship.
- Simple Rules for the Rebound
- Ten Things That Don't Matter about Men
- Reasons You Should Be Dating Geeky Guys
- Dating Websites
- Dating Tips
- Dating Advice
- Online Dating
- Date Ideas
- Annoying Habits
- Dating Videos