Archives for June 2011
We men know full well that you women are picky and moody and harder to please than our mothers. In an ironic twist of torturous fate, that’s why we cling to you so desperately in the first place. For every one thing we absolutely love about you, there are about one hundred things we could certainly do without.
Women and their annoying habits have been driving men to drink for millennia. Why do you think Pharaohs were buried alone and some men choose God and celibacy over marriage?
Every female out there has an annoying habit or few, and if you think you’re somehow different and do not drive us batty, check out this list and you’ll find yourself perfectly explained.
So, we didn’t call or didn’t remember that it’s your step-father’s cousin’s birthday? So what!? You don’t need to nag our ears off for hours at a go; and what’s worse is that you keep the nag on file, holding a grudge about it for literally decades.
2: Slow Driving
We’re not asking you to burn rubber like Richard Petty, but it’s the big pedal on the right, honey! Push it a little bit. It won’t kill you. Driving like you’re 90 is head-splittingly annoying.
3: The Concert Laugh
When you’re talking on the phone or in person to one of your friends, that uber-loud screech and laugh makes us want to punch holes through the wall. Why the sudden burst of hysteria? It doesn’t make any sense.
4: The Cut-Off
Okay, we might be insensitive at times, but using sex to extort us is the primary reason men watch porn and cheat. When you come in with that habitual headache, we know that you’re holding out because of something that happened two weeks ago. And it’s annoying.
The dog peed on the rug. Like, OMG! Really? I guess the world is gonna end now! Stop acting so overdramatic at every little turn in the road. Take a deep breath and use your inside voice.
6: Inopportune Conversation
You do not need to talk about Kathy’s so-called “funny” job interview with 2 minutes left in the basketball game. All you want to do is force us to choose – you or the game. This is one of the most annoying things ever. If we didn’t choose you already, we’d be at the bar watching it.
7: Hours Long Preparation
Hey, Tammy Faye, we’re only going to Arby’s! It should not take you 2 hours to get ready. Makeup, hair styling, nails, earrings, the outfit – it never ends. Throw on a t-shirt and let’s go.
It seems like every time we want to really do something, even if you pretend you’re into it, you’ll put on that disinterested face the entire time, sitting there fiddling with your fingernails and making the gas face. Just stop; it’s really annoying!
The only time you should be standing on a soap box is to get us the chips out of the cabinet, shorty. You don’t need to keep it your pocket to preach to us about every little thing. Oh, sweet Jesus, that preaching is annoying.
This is one that you definitely do on purpose. Comparing us to the previous men in your life is malicious and nasty and only done so you can be a nag!
As men, we do not expect you ladies to make an effort to stop annoying us. But we do expect you to realize that this is why we act the way we do! It’s not easy to be with you, and the fact that most of you hit 9 for 10 on this list is exactly why you have longer life-spans than we do.
Men of the world listen up: you’re annoying!
Sometimes it’s like you make the effort to annoy us simply to drive us through the wall while you laugh it up and bask in the glow.
Look, we love you guys, when you really get down to it. We can’t—nor would we want to—make it without you. But there’s just something in those emotionally detached brains of yours that causes you to annoy the life out of every woman on the planet.
Oh, you don’t think you’re annoying? That’s even worse! If you’re clueless about your annoying little habits, then maybe there’s truly no hope for you after all.
Check out this list of the top ten most annoying guy habits. If you are on this list, please, get off of it!
1: Hair in the Sink!
Shaving or trimming your beard and leaving hair in the sink is just outright nasty. It is definitely one of the most annoying things you can do.
2: Toilet Seat UP!
Yes, we know by now to look down before we sit. But that’s not the point. You miss the target, dribble everywhere, rarely flush, and to top it off you leave the seat up like you want the world to know you just marked your territory.
3: Not calling us!
Saying that you’re going to call us and then never calling is really annoying. It hurts. More than that, though, it’s just something a jerk does.
4: Lying about Your Height!
If you’re 5-7, be 5-7. Tom Cruise is. Ryan Seacrest is. Many men are short. Don’t lie and say you’re 5-10; we all know how tall you really are.
5: Drinking too much!
Nothing ruins the night quite like a few drinks turning into a yelling, screaming, fighting, babysitting-fest where we have to put you to bed because you cannot stop with just one drink.
6: Killing us with Crack!
Some of you guys out there have cute butts. Most of you do not. And even if it’s Brad Pitt’s butt, we do not—I repeat, do not!—want to see your butt crack. Pull those jeans up and wear a belt!
7: Tighty Whities!
Every pair of white underwear in history eventually turns yellow in the front and brown in the back, and you guys couldn’t care less about it after a few months. Tighty whities are not flattering; they are not appealing at all. They’re nasty and annoying.
8: Drooling over Inanimate Objects!
We have to basically torture you in order to pry a compliment from your lips about how we look, but the first time you see a sports car or a motorcycle or a nice truck on the road, your eyes glaze over and you stare at it like a zombie, daydreaming about snuggling up with it.
9: Playing the Victim Card!
We hate to hear how hard you have it. We want strong, confident men, not whiners who can’t carry the weight on their shoulders. We have girlfriends to complain with. We need a rock at home.
So, you asked about my ex but don’t like the answer? Tough! Don’t go giving the silent treatment, sighing and pouting about things all the time, looking for reassurance of our love.
Seriously, if you’re on this list, do what you can to get off. Annoying us only costs you in the long run, so make a little effort to be the exception and not the rule.
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